lazy lazy lazy

sometimes I think of myself as lazy

There are days that I do absolutely nothing productive and I can hear the voices of society telling me I am wasting time.

But isn't it my time to "waste"

What is this obsession with productivity and who gets to decide what is "productive" in my life if not me?

Understand, I am a sprinter. I am a whirlwind of activity and then depending upon that activity, it takes me time to recoup and recover. I don't think of this as a waste of time, but a necessary recharge for my personal battery.

Frankly, spending a day or two with someone I care about, doing next to nothing, just being together is something important to the growth and development of any relationship. People who have to have something to "do" together aren't going to make it as a couple.  But I digress.....

This society is obsessed with productivity. Individuals are told that if you aren't producing you have no value. The kicker is, it isn't about creativity or art or even mowing your lawn, this is all about being a cog in the wheel of the corporate machine.  This is about working 40 to 60 hours a week to "get ahead" - now no one is sure exactly who they are racing - but there is a race and you are losing! Americans hate to lose even if they didn't know they were playing, so they run the "rat race" to "win" the "brass ring" - which never appears for most part, because it is a big myth - to get you back on the treadmill each week of a 40 + hour week.

Sure there are the one in a million who "win". The successful movie producer, real estate mogul or attorney who have risen above their meager beginnings to wealth and/or fame. Someone that demonstrates that you too can "win".  My question is - do you want to?

I don't think most people want to be a multi millionaire except for the ease it would be on our financial minds. Most of us are content to live our lives within moderate means, a home, a vehicle (if needed), enough to eat, health care and good people around us. The last one is the real key. Relationships make our lives worth the time, energy and any sacrifice, and many people run the treadmill of "success" to provide for their families, which is valid, however society has hijacked that drive and transformed it into why we live.

I put forth an alternative: we work to live. We work to spend those lazy days with the people we love. Yes, there are projects outside of paid work, there are houses to clean, yards to weed, and maintenance in our lives to be done, but we should not denigrate the time spent with love ones "doing nothing" because we are doing one of the most important things humans can do. We are developing relationships and loving each other.

Even doing nothing alone we are taking care of ourselves by resting our mental facilities and recharging our batteries. There is value to rest.

Americans need to learn to stop beating themselves up for taking care of themselves.

Get off the treadmill occasionally and spend quality time "doing nothing" with someone you love.

Japan

Frankly it is just overwhelming

I have, like so many others, watched the massive destruction in Japan, and I start to cry. In our global world with instant images of everything, everywhere, I sometimes think we have grown callas to suffering; especially the suffering of others.

Then something like the Japan earthquake happens and it touches all of us. Yes, there are those who will hide their heads in reality TV or the latest charlie sheen web-post, but for the most part, people want to help. Even in the midst of their own economic crisis the common people want to help each other. We empathize with the tragedy of our sisters and brothers half a world away and we want offer a hand to them.

Some like me want to run over and start lifting the rubble, look for survivors and assist in the clean up. Others will start up collections of food, clothing and money to be sent to the survivors. But one of the best things we, especially those of us living in California can do, is prepare ourselves for the next earthquake here at home.

There are many agencies that provide disaster relief training in your area. Please sign up and get trained. Do the things to keep yourself and you family (including your animals) safe, such as having food and water stored, batteries, a radio and flashlights. First aid kits in both your car and home and tennis shoes with a change of clothes, these are things that will make a disaster easier, if you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in such situation.

here are some links to training in Los Angeles:

http://www.cert-la.com/whatiscert.htm

http://redcrossla.org/

Here are some organizations that will gladly take donations for the relief efforts in Japan:

http://www.opusa.org/

http://www.asianjournal.com/community/community-news/9316-abc7-japan-earthquake-relief-drive-march-14.html

http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/donate/overview.cfm?ref=main-menu

Thank you for not losing hope and supporting the survivors. It demonstrates we support our Japanese sisters and brothers through this staggering process of rebuilding.

gang initiations and other opportunities last week

I began the event on the 22^nd

As with most groups there is an initiation of some sort. Human are notoriously cruel to outsiders and frequently insist on a demonstration of loyalty to join the group. This particular group has a mean reputation. Some of the most cut-throat, corrupt and competitive people in the world are part of this association. However it was a shocking realization to me that I had volunteered to be the newbie in a gang jump in.

A three day long initiation.

Most gang initiations are short, violent, and bloody affairs. The last one I had attended did result in a bloodied nose for me, but mostly these events produce bruises, which are mental, emotional, even somewhat spiritual, but it is brutal.  And LONG.

A friend who has been through this is probably correct in her assessment.  It is a hazing ritual. It is berating, there is an insinuation that one is not good enough to join the ranks. The gatekeepers demand that you regularly identify yourself clearly. There are bizarre regulations, anal-retentive attention to your every move and even the monitoring of bodily functions.  The leader of the hazing repeatedly admonishes the newbie group regarding prohibited items, such as speaking to others and the dreaded rule 12 violation.

The newbies tremble in their seats, years have been spent in preparation for this trek. When the announcer proclaims the clock has started adrenaline courses through my body. I was an athlete and while beneficial when competing at a very high level on a track, here it is detrimental. I get up and go outside the room with my permission slip for water, but avoid the bathroom as that would raise the attention of the monitors, especially this early in the game. 

Rarely in my life have I shied away from attention or notoriety, but in this group it is best to keep one’s head down, especially at the beginning. This is a game that sheep win and I, as anyone who knows me will tell you, am much more akin to a predator than any pack animal.  However, blending into the group is in my best interest at this point.

Day two:  Pencils at the ready, my hand is slightly recovered from the previous day’s damage. Admonishments against cheating, reminders that the omnipresent watchers shall punish all deviations from “the rules” and a general cowering from the noiseless masses. Start!

I get up after an hour. I feel good about the how things are going, so I take a bathroom break. On my way back a kindly looking gatekeeper asks for my admittance slip. I show it and skip past. Yes skip. She laughs and immediately asks why I am so happy. I respond honestly, (knowing that it will break my cover). “You can’t take this too seriously! This is the definition of a high class problem.”

She laughingly agreed.  However in an hour when I returned for water, she requested that I “dance” again. I thought about refusing but realized this was something I had set myself up for so I skipped past again. Then something very interesting happened.

I became the title to a Stieg Larsson book “The girl who skipped at the Bar Exam”

All the proctors suddenly knew me, smiled at me and talked to me. I was a fan favorite, the one they were routing for, a hero in the group of faceless plebes with no personality.

I was the wolf again in a group of sheep. Now, will that help me pass the bar exam?  Most likely not, but I was true to myself and entertained a group of people in a boring job, which made them much more enjoyable to be around.

And while being a wolf won’t help me at the exam part, it will help me when I begin fighting the social injustices as an attorney.

so I had to answer a question for a job application

Not so sure that I will get the job after answering honestly......

but I had to post this b/c then I had to cut this down to 1200 characters without spaces

Sadists!

here we go.....

The intersection between race, class, gender, and sexual orientation is the crux of debate regarding opportunity in the United States as well as in the rest of the world. Basic assumptions and cultural mythos normally find their root in the dominant social paradigm of straight white male culture perpetuated through out race and classes difference by media and entertainment.  If one is isolated from the dialogue by language barriers, class issues (limited access to mainstream media) or other “outsider” status, questioning these accepted myths is frequently the result.

Personally, I am a cultural outsider (Finnish/Saami), from the working class, a women and lesbian.  I questions the basic assumption asserted by the US media/political/cultural mainstream that “working hard will get you ahead”.

My analysis of this assertion has three parts:

1.  There is an inference that poor people are lazy. This is a false assertion.  It is an assertion that encourages individual responsibility for socially disproportionate distribution of wealth to avoid any meaningful discussion of class issues.

2.  There is an inference that everyone starts off this “race” for wealth at the same place/footing. No mention is given to silver spoons or inherited millions (or billions) since we are all supposedly receive to our earned potential of “hard work”. Wouldn’t the conversation include issues of accessibility to basic human services provided by a child’s caregiver, ie parent, such as health care and education? These are necessary building blocks to ensure that all children would have an equal starting point for this great “race” toward wealth.

3. There is an inference that wealth is good and what we should strive for it. The definition of the “American Dream” has changed. It is no longer good enough to have a house in suburbia (that is a questionable goal which I shall not address here) but one needs to have a mansion and servants and a personal jet to be “successful”. The new “American Dream” comes straight out of life styles of the rich and famous, not only is this absurd but it is unsustainable. 

abandoned building, banisters, and sustainable communities

so an open question....

what if a group of us took over some of these "abandoned" bank properties and turned them into useful community centers. Adverse possession or just flat out buying them at auction - or making an offer to the bank.

I am thinking that the buildings could be low income housing with the possibility of people purchasing units. Created housing for LGBT elderly or community centers for youth and the arts. Yes, it would take money....something no one seems to have these days, and I am not saying I have the money - but what if we all worked together to create something sustainable out of this mess.

It would take work. It would take some unity of purpose, but it could solve a number of problems. From creating positive spaces for our youth to housing for the low income.  

The banks want to write off these properties. People need homes and positive spaces. What if those things could dovetail into a positive future. People in the neighborhoods could be asked what they want for their area and encourages to participate in the process so they have ownership.

possibilities are there if we can just get away from the greed element

sexual repression, christianity and this great american life

really that should be the title of a book, but this is a blog and I don't have the time today to write a book....

(things to study.....lots and lots of things to study!)

there are several theorist who believe all of our actions are based on sexual desires, I think that is a little extreme, but I do agree that many people in the US sublimate their sexual desires in to other activities. Work, food, drugs, I have seen all of these things and many others (collectors out there) replace the intimate connection for individuals.

 Is this based on the puritanical religious views of many christian groups that were integral to the early development of the United States? Or is it more modern? A side effect of the lack of interpersonal development fostered by "relationships" via the internet and the hyperfocus on techno gadgets such as iphones and other "social" media connective devises.

Other arguments claim that a lack of identifiable social structure leaves many to feel unable to interact "appropriately" as people can not read interpersonal social clues therefore they isolate from our current social structure. There is a chicken or egg element to this argument that I won't go into here, but we could revert back to the hyperfocus on technological interaction as another root cause if the basic lack of identifying social clues.

so this is a short post for people to interact with via their techno gadgets - which is an oddly appropriate forum to be having this discussion within....

motivation

I have a lot to do

There is the class I teach and all the prep time that goes into it. The LLM course I am in the middle of and the volumes of reading as well as writing assignments. I am studying for the bar exam again. I run and trying to keep up on current events can consume a good 2 to 3 hours out of my day. Not to mention this blog...

Mostly I am more self motivated than most. I don't really need a drill sergeant or anyone else standing over me. I study because I actually like to learn. I find learning new material and facts fascinating, my motivation is something new anything really.....

but I have been having a difficult week.

there is the repetitiveness of doing MBEs (multiple choice questions for the Bar exam) and the daunting task of reading patent law treaties between European countries but there is something more base about my seeming apathy. Somehow I have to learn to care about money.

There I said it.

I don't care about money. I am told by my family that I never did from a very young age. I am not saying that I am some altruistic saint. I just never placed much of a value on stuff. I like beautiful things but ownership of anything was always intellectually problematic stemming from a world view that all things have an innate essence even if they are not self aware. This lack of monitory motivation has been problematic in some ways interacting in this modern capitalistic society.

I am convinced it isn't a negative way to look at the world. Maybe I just have to shift to a more taking care of myself value - but I am not clear how to do that.

It is an issue I shall have to revisit over time and find a way to shift the view of things. I enjoy work and working, I just need to demand more value from others for my work tome.product. I guess that begins with me placing a higher value on myself.