I have a lot to do
There is the class I teach and all the prep time that goes into it. The LLM course I am in the middle of and the volumes of reading as well as writing assignments. I am studying for the bar exam again. I run and trying to keep up on current events can consume a good 2 to 3 hours out of my day. Not to mention this blog...
Mostly I am more self motivated than most. I don't really need a drill sergeant or anyone else standing over me. I study because I actually like to learn. I find learning new material and facts fascinating, my motivation is something new anything really.....
but I have been having a difficult week.
there is the repetitiveness of doing MBEs (multiple choice questions for the Bar exam) and the daunting task of reading patent law treaties between European countries but there is something more base about my seeming apathy. Somehow I have to learn to care about money.
There I said it.
I don't care about money. I am told by my family that I never did from a very young age. I am not saying that I am some altruistic saint. I just never placed much of a value on stuff. I like beautiful things but ownership of anything was always intellectually problematic stemming from a world view that all things have an innate essence even if they are not self aware. This lack of monitory motivation has been problematic in some ways interacting in this modern capitalistic society.
I am convinced it isn't a negative way to look at the world. Maybe I just have to shift to a more taking care of myself value - but I am not clear how to do that.
It is an issue I shall have to revisit over time and find a way to shift the view of things. I enjoy work and working, I just need to demand more value from others for my work tome.product. I guess that begins with me placing a higher value on myself.